So my one ex, A2, as I called him. Well I didn't see him when he came into town. He kept emailing me when he went home, sending song lyrics to me, professing his love.
I finally recently stressed to him that I had moved on (to twittercrush, ironically enough) and that we weren't ever getting back together. Instead of ignoring him, which didn't work since he messaged me at least once daily, I was completely honest with him. I needed to be. I felt I was somewhat leading him on. I hate games so won't play them. And he accepted it. But claims I broke his heart.
I feel awful about it. Now I remember how it feels!!!!
My sweet M will be thrilled things are over with twittercrush. He's been waiting patiently in the sidelines. He's a great guy.
B makes me laugh. I rarely respond to his messages. Once in a blue moon I'll get one from him saying he's giving up. Then a few weeks later, he tells me he misses me or he's thinking about me or tells me I'm beautiful.
J stopped emailing me when I told him
I wouldn't be going to Montreal with him.
Guess I'm somewhat happy for these distractions now except I can't imagine moving on anytime soon.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Sex Life...
So yeah, to sum up my last rambling post, no sex outside my marriage since BEFORE CHRISTMAS! Record for me. And I'm okay with that. I'm busy putting my life in perspective right now. So bite me.
Holy Harassment Batman!
Someone is desperate for a blog update. I have no idea who. And I have no idea why. It's quite amusing, since my life is actually boring lately. So I will be sadly disappointing all of you if you are hoping to hear about a lot of dirty sex. Because there hasn't been any. And for that, I blame Twitter. And the one that has stolen my heart.
BUT the men are still around. Once again, I DON'T GET IT! They keep coming back. Or if I try to end things, they won't let me!
My youngin' - still totally sweet. Haven't seen him since before Xmas. And we talk a lot less often. And that is because of me. Well because of Twitter. I have no time for anything in my life because of Twitter ;). I sent him an email the other day, telling him to move on, find someone else, since we don't seem to be working. He replied by saying no, that I was "perfect" for him and he'd wait for me. Arrrgggh! Wait for what?!?!?!?!
Who else. Oh ok. A2 - an ex. The one who isn't local, but is going to be in town at the end of January. I came right out and said that I wasn't comfortable "getting back together", since the timing of his request is very suspcious, seeing that he's in town and probably just wants to get laid again. He was upset by that, but said that my concerns are "fair". Ummm yeah, you think? After last time? That's a whole other story. For another day! He wants me to at least meet him for coffee when he's in town. He's away this week, so I'll decide whether or not I even want coffee with him. He's a very nice guy, but we're very different. He's SUPER religious, ironically enough, for one. Makes him feel guilty for cheating. Very easily. Another big difference between us LOL!
M - sweet M. We talk often, but I've told him I'm not ready to see him. He knows that. And is being patient. He wants to just go out for coffee or lunch soon. I don't know because I'm sure he'll expect more. Or want more. And my heart just isn't there right now.
J - another ex. He wants me to go away with him this summer to Montreal for the weekend for some concert. Ummm it's January! And how he'd get away from his wife for a weekend, that I just can't see.
B - the one night stand that hasn't given up, STILL hasn't given up. He messages me almost daily to tell me to have a good day, or tell me that he's thinking about me, or that I'm beautiful, etc. He's a hard one. He won't give up. When we did talk around the time we had sex, like TWO FUCKING YEARS AGO, it was ONLY about sex. And i'm not looking for JUST sex. I wanted to be able to talk about our lives to, to have a "relationship". So that's why I didn't see him again. And he knows that. So this is why he's trying hard, to do things the right way. But I'm not sure there is enough of an attraction there either, on my part.
Oh and last but not least, is the other M, my most recent ex. Him I did NOT expect to hear from again. We had a hardcore connection, him and I. And with that passion, there was fighting at the end. Our last couple of conversations were not that good. So when I get the chat messages the other day from him, I almost fell off my chair. He said that he missed me, that his life is not the same without me. He wants to try things again. We haven't really had the time to have that chat, but I'm definitely playing it cool. I'm not sure what to think.
And then there is the one who has stolen my heart... him I have trouble even talking about. In a good way. More about him later, since he's annoyed I'm not paying enough attention to him right now. LOL!
Really - how do I get rid of them all??????? My problem is that I am not straight-forward enough with them. It's not that I'm dishonest, I just honestly do love the attention. It's fantastic for the ego (especially after I stepped on the fucking scale today!!!!! Arrrgghhhh!).
That was a rhetorical question though. I do know what I need to do. But you all know that I'm an attention whore. Can I give up that attention? Do I worry that attention will hurt someone else? Of course.
And I've come to realize that my whole secretlife has a lot to do with the ego boost, the attention I get. That's just the start of it though, since feelings develop. I'm only human! And then I find the emotional part that I'm missing at home. And it makes me super happy.
We all need to find what we are missing. We all do it in different ways.
Enough rambling for today.
BUT the men are still around. Once again, I DON'T GET IT! They keep coming back. Or if I try to end things, they won't let me!
My youngin' - still totally sweet. Haven't seen him since before Xmas. And we talk a lot less often. And that is because of me. Well because of Twitter. I have no time for anything in my life because of Twitter ;). I sent him an email the other day, telling him to move on, find someone else, since we don't seem to be working. He replied by saying no, that I was "perfect" for him and he'd wait for me. Arrrgggh! Wait for what?!?!?!?!
Who else. Oh ok. A2 - an ex. The one who isn't local, but is going to be in town at the end of January. I came right out and said that I wasn't comfortable "getting back together", since the timing of his request is very suspcious, seeing that he's in town and probably just wants to get laid again. He was upset by that, but said that my concerns are "fair". Ummm yeah, you think? After last time? That's a whole other story. For another day! He wants me to at least meet him for coffee when he's in town. He's away this week, so I'll decide whether or not I even want coffee with him. He's a very nice guy, but we're very different. He's SUPER religious, ironically enough, for one. Makes him feel guilty for cheating. Very easily. Another big difference between us LOL!
M - sweet M. We talk often, but I've told him I'm not ready to see him. He knows that. And is being patient. He wants to just go out for coffee or lunch soon. I don't know because I'm sure he'll expect more. Or want more. And my heart just isn't there right now.
J - another ex. He wants me to go away with him this summer to Montreal for the weekend for some concert. Ummm it's January! And how he'd get away from his wife for a weekend, that I just can't see.
B - the one night stand that hasn't given up, STILL hasn't given up. He messages me almost daily to tell me to have a good day, or tell me that he's thinking about me, or that I'm beautiful, etc. He's a hard one. He won't give up. When we did talk around the time we had sex, like TWO FUCKING YEARS AGO, it was ONLY about sex. And i'm not looking for JUST sex. I wanted to be able to talk about our lives to, to have a "relationship". So that's why I didn't see him again. And he knows that. So this is why he's trying hard, to do things the right way. But I'm not sure there is enough of an attraction there either, on my part.
Oh and last but not least, is the other M, my most recent ex. Him I did NOT expect to hear from again. We had a hardcore connection, him and I. And with that passion, there was fighting at the end. Our last couple of conversations were not that good. So when I get the chat messages the other day from him, I almost fell off my chair. He said that he missed me, that his life is not the same without me. He wants to try things again. We haven't really had the time to have that chat, but I'm definitely playing it cool. I'm not sure what to think.
And then there is the one who has stolen my heart... him I have trouble even talking about. In a good way. More about him later, since he's annoyed I'm not paying enough attention to him right now. LOL!
Really - how do I get rid of them all??????? My problem is that I am not straight-forward enough with them. It's not that I'm dishonest, I just honestly do love the attention. It's fantastic for the ego (especially after I stepped on the fucking scale today!!!!! Arrrgghhhh!).
That was a rhetorical question though. I do know what I need to do. But you all know that I'm an attention whore. Can I give up that attention? Do I worry that attention will hurt someone else? Of course.
And I've come to realize that my whole secretlife has a lot to do with the ego boost, the attention I get. That's just the start of it though, since feelings develop. I'm only human! And then I find the emotional part that I'm missing at home. And it makes me super happy.
We all need to find what we are missing. We all do it in different ways.
Enough rambling for today.
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Complicated...
My "love" life or should I say "lust life" has gotten confusing again.
Well the guy who I accidentally sent pics to and corresponded with, whose wife became "ok" with him and I, is gone. Excuse the run on sentence! The fact that his wife knew was too much for me. I'd rather the excitement of both sneaking around! So I kicked that one to the curb.
So the complications arise with the fact that three, actually four men from my past have recently come back into my life unexpectedly. I seriously don't get it! I act cocky and am confident, but honestly, I'm not sure what brings them back.
B - the one night stand I had two years ago is STILL emailing me, wanting me back. He gave up eventually a few weeks ago since I hadn't responded to his emails. Wished me the best, said he gave up. But being the attention whore that I am, I responded to that email. Which of course encouraged him and he's back at it. The reason I never pursued anything with him after we fucked is that it was ALL about sex. And I want.. No, I need.. more than just sex. I need an emotional connection. He said he couldn't give me that. So we fucked and I told him I didn't want to see him again. Now he's telling me that he wants to do it "right" this time. I admit that I love the attention.
Then there is J, who I actually never met. We met online and had a fantastic connection. Never met because of distance. Eventually things fizzled out because of the distance (about 1 1/2 hours away). He emailed two days ago, saying he missed me and can't stop thinking about me. He wants to try things again.
Next is A. We will call him A2. He lives in Ottawa but the head office of his work is in my city so he's here fairly often. We had a good connection, fantastic sex. Then he felt guilty. And that ended. He also wants to try again. Although only because he's in town at the end of January. He wants to get laid again by me. He denies this, saying it's ME he missed. But I wasn't born yesterday!
And lastly, there is M. Things with him were incredible, we were together awhile. He wants me back. Him I'm not sure I can resist him.
I have to remember though that these relationships ended for a reason, whether I ended it or them. And ultimately it was for the best.
Well the guy who I accidentally sent pics to and corresponded with, whose wife became "ok" with him and I, is gone. Excuse the run on sentence! The fact that his wife knew was too much for me. I'd rather the excitement of both sneaking around! So I kicked that one to the curb.
So the complications arise with the fact that three, actually four men from my past have recently come back into my life unexpectedly. I seriously don't get it! I act cocky and am confident, but honestly, I'm not sure what brings them back.
B - the one night stand I had two years ago is STILL emailing me, wanting me back. He gave up eventually a few weeks ago since I hadn't responded to his emails. Wished me the best, said he gave up. But being the attention whore that I am, I responded to that email. Which of course encouraged him and he's back at it. The reason I never pursued anything with him after we fucked is that it was ALL about sex. And I want.. No, I need.. more than just sex. I need an emotional connection. He said he couldn't give me that. So we fucked and I told him I didn't want to see him again. Now he's telling me that he wants to do it "right" this time. I admit that I love the attention.
Then there is J, who I actually never met. We met online and had a fantastic connection. Never met because of distance. Eventually things fizzled out because of the distance (about 1 1/2 hours away). He emailed two days ago, saying he missed me and can't stop thinking about me. He wants to try things again.
Next is A. We will call him A2. He lives in Ottawa but the head office of his work is in my city so he's here fairly often. We had a good connection, fantastic sex. Then he felt guilty. And that ended. He also wants to try again. Although only because he's in town at the end of January. He wants to get laid again by me. He denies this, saying it's ME he missed. But I wasn't born yesterday!
And lastly, there is M. Things with him were incredible, we were together awhile. He wants me back. Him I'm not sure I can resist him.
I have to remember though that these relationships ended for a reason, whether I ended it or them. And ultimately it was for the best.
Monday, December 13, 2010
The Stakes Have Changed...
with A. Hadn't heard from him for a couple of days, which totally isn't like him. So I emailed to say hello. He responds by telling me that his wife found all of our emails and wasn't mad at all. Apparently she admitted to her own affair. I guess she met a guy online while looking for a woman. She she is still with this guy and has shown A action shots of him and her. She is totally fine with him and I continuing but wants to see pics of us together (no faces). So he's all excited because we can talk more.
But the stakes have changed. When I have an affair it's much easier and safer, IMO, with someone who has as much to lose as I do if we get caught. I guess it has its advantages too. More freedom on his part. And I bet if i would want a threesome, it would be easy.
But is it worth the risk. Is he worth the risk? Need to ponder.
But the stakes have changed. When I have an affair it's much easier and safer, IMO, with someone who has as much to lose as I do if we get caught. I guess it has its advantages too. More freedom on his part. And I bet if i would want a threesome, it would be easy.
But is it worth the risk. Is he worth the risk? Need to ponder.
Saturday, December 4, 2010
MySecretLife Update
So I'm sure you are all wondering where things stand with my OTHER men...
To be honest, I haven't seen them. Stuff with my mom has gotten in the way. And other stuff I don't feel like sharing at the moment.
Ex and I broke up a couple of weeks ago. Hadn't seen him in about a month or so.
The youngin' and I were supposed to get together Friday, but I didn't want to and cancelled. Haven't seen him in two weeks now. He's a sweetheart, this one. He's 29 and a genuinely good guy. Married only for 2 years. I told him he's in BIG trouble if he's cheating already :). We talk often and get along great. Sex with him is fantastic. But I cannot imagine falling in love with him. Great guy, but there just isn't that "spark" between us. At least I don't see it. I'm sure he does. LOL! Kidding.
A, the pics to the wrong email address guy (blogged about him in the past with that story) and I also talk often. Haven't met him. He keeps saying he wants to, that he thinks about me constantly, can't get me off his mind. That was his email today. Another sweet guy, who is fun, but any sparks? Not really.
I then have B - my first affair after my work guy. That sounds bad, like I've had a ton of affairs. Too many, but really not THAT many, relatively speaking ;). At least I'd like to think. Anyway - B. He was basically a one time thing. Good sex, but then I felt guilty. He was 2 years ago. He STILL wants me back. Every time I log onto my chat app, there are messages from him, saying that he'll keep trying to win me back. Usually I ignore him. The odd time I'll tell him to move on, but he keeps telling me that I'm "perfect". I just laugh. I am SO not perfect. He claims I am for him. Not sure what keeps him coming back to me. Maybe the sex was that good? I do give a good blow job apparently ;P.
That's it for the real life OTHER men. They aren't really even "real life" since I'm really just chatting online with them. And for now, that's fine.
To be honest, I haven't seen them. Stuff with my mom has gotten in the way. And other stuff I don't feel like sharing at the moment.
Ex and I broke up a couple of weeks ago. Hadn't seen him in about a month or so.
The youngin' and I were supposed to get together Friday, but I didn't want to and cancelled. Haven't seen him in two weeks now. He's a sweetheart, this one. He's 29 and a genuinely good guy. Married only for 2 years. I told him he's in BIG trouble if he's cheating already :). We talk often and get along great. Sex with him is fantastic. But I cannot imagine falling in love with him. Great guy, but there just isn't that "spark" between us. At least I don't see it. I'm sure he does. LOL! Kidding.
A, the pics to the wrong email address guy (blogged about him in the past with that story) and I also talk often. Haven't met him. He keeps saying he wants to, that he thinks about me constantly, can't get me off his mind. That was his email today. Another sweet guy, who is fun, but any sparks? Not really.
I then have B - my first affair after my work guy. That sounds bad, like I've had a ton of affairs. Too many, but really not THAT many, relatively speaking ;). At least I'd like to think. Anyway - B. He was basically a one time thing. Good sex, but then I felt guilty. He was 2 years ago. He STILL wants me back. Every time I log onto my chat app, there are messages from him, saying that he'll keep trying to win me back. Usually I ignore him. The odd time I'll tell him to move on, but he keeps telling me that I'm "perfect". I just laugh. I am SO not perfect. He claims I am for him. Not sure what keeps him coming back to me. Maybe the sex was that good? I do give a good blow job apparently ;P.
That's it for the real life OTHER men. They aren't really even "real life" since I'm really just chatting online with them. And for now, that's fine.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)