To Cheat or Not To Cheat...

In my previous post, I touched on this topic, how I never believed I could cheat.

I truly believe that people cannot judge cheaters until they've been in the situation. I don't think I'm a bad person at all for doing what I've done.

I've tried so hard to work on my marriage, to find that spark again. To find the excitement. My husband loves to have sex with me, but the last thing on his mind is pleasing me. He cums in about 30 seconds and we're done. No foreplay.

And to talk to him about this? I can't. He's suspected me of cheating in the past. I feel that if I tell him what I want, what I need in the bedroom, he is going to wonder where these thoughts came from and it will be cemented in his mind that I did cheat.

I truly don't want to hurt him. I can't hurt him. It would devestate him. And me, for hurting him.

And I've thought about leaving. I have. We've discussed it and he has practically begged me to stay. And we have a special needs child, so the thought of breaking up our family for him, just kills me. And as I told my "platonic separated by the Atlantic friend" today, this is also selfish of me. Because raising him alone 50% of the time would be so hard and I can't imagine doing it on my own. So yes, I feel very selfish.

If I could just live my life this way, as I am, without him finding out, life would be good :).

A friend's husband cheated on her. She threw him out immediately. Which was ironic, since she was in love with a married man and would have given anything for him to pay attention to her. Eventually he did, they had a passionate affair. Her separated and her lover, married. She then realized that there are reasons why people cheat. She has now forgiven her husband and they are working on getting back together. Which is wonderful.

BUT I don't believe either one will stay monogamous. Once you've cheated once, I think it's much easier to cheat again, especially once they fall back in their own ways. I do hope with all my heart they are happy.



Ok - I apologize - this post was just a bunch of babbling. No real order to it and no real point.